I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
