Only a mothe r could love this liver
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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