Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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