I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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