quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It's official drugs can't kill me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Randomize
