Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Let's paint friendship bongs
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
