great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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