he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
