dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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