I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
