all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize