need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just had sex bonerless
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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