and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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