Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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