Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
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