Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize