Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
