my mouth tastes like poor choices
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
