I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
