Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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