I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize