dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
God, I missed his penis.
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