I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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