Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
