I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
