Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
