Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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