somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
