i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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