He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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