WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
