a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
