I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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