is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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