I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize