and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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