Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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