Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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