Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Small penises have feelings too.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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