We won't sleep together?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My pussy is not your playground.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
