I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
