i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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