Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
