i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
