awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
