i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
