i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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