OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
