I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
