We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
