You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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