Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
