Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
