I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
