it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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