ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize