I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sobbing to NWA
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Randomize
