I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
