took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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