I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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