So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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