jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
