Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
