So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
