we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
