wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
