I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize
