he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
