so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize