remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Randomize
