Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
