yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
