Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
