Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
