My liver just broke up with me...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
