I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
